Wednesday, February 11, 2009

This is Top Chef, Not Top Pussy

I want to preface this recap with the fact that I am wearing an I heart Fabio T-shirt. I'm officially insane.

So, this is the last episode of Top Chef in NY before they shuttle the chefs over to New Orleans for the finale episodes. As you guys may know, I thought Jamie deserved the boot last week - this week I was rooting for Leah to get shucked since I'm still pissed she just gave the fuck up last week when filleting those fish.

First and foremost, I must discuss how Carla said she was a model. Are you kidding me Bravo? You're not gonna have her explain that shit? A model for WHAT? Those fake disguise glasses in old spy movies? On the other hand, I'm thrilled Carla is weird again - welcome back woman.

We find out the quickfire judge is Wylie Dufresne - I audibly groaned when I saw him since I'm not a fan of his work at all. I'm not big into molecular gastronomy and that whole aspect of cooking - it just reminds me of Richard from Top Chef Chicago with his smoker, asking everyone "Hey, do you like burritos?" I just don't like it.

The Challenge is to make something great with eggs - which Wylie literally said he loved so much I thought maybe he should get a room at the Hilton with a dozen of jumbo eggs. In fact, I believe he said he loved Egg Cookery - I wonder if that's something you say out loud and then think in your head "Wow I just sounded like a huge douche"

All the Chefs run around like crazy people making 2-3 components per dish. Josea makes this sick egg white sheet sushi thing that made me want to vom. I actually really liked Stefan's dish, which was like a panna cotta with an egg yolk in the middle - a play on a poched egg. It was a cool idea. Wylie goes around and tastes everyone's food - I can tell immediately that Fabio is royally fucked since they start playing that goofy music as Padma and Wylie taste his food. That music typically indicates FAIL. Sure enough, him, Josea, and Leah are on the bottom. Ultimately, Carla's crazy ass wins with her Dr. Seuss inspiration (case and point that Carla is bonkers - who gets inspired by Dr. Seuss?) - she makes a green eggs and ham play. Apparently she was shocked because Carla and Molecular Gastronomy are like oil and water - however, maybe her playful coaxing ("C'mon baby" x 100) brought the dish together. Who knows?

The Elimination Challenge starts with knife drawing - each has the name of a legendary chef on it (Marcus Samuelsson, Jaques Pepin, etc) - they have to prepare a "last supper" meal for these famous chefs. Carla's QF advantage is to trade with another chef but she's freaking out of her mind happy about the idea of cooking peas for Jacques Pepin (who is a dean at FCI) that she keeps her dish. Also, if you have this DVRed, you can watch Carla's crazy laugh over and over when she said that her and Jacques were two peas in a pod (very punny Crazy Lady).

They go to WF to do their shopping. Is it me or does it seem like Stefan and Josea want to hate fuck each other. I'm not sure but there is uncomfortable tension between the two of them thats 50% competitive hatred and 50% I want to spread your ass cheeks. Leah of course, pisses me off by asking a WF employee where the eggs and butter are. Are you fucking kidding me? Um, try the refrigerated area dumbass.

In any case, they go to Capitale (which is on the bowery and where I met Mr. Bill Clinton a few years back) - and almost immediately Fabio bends his finger all the way back and breaks it. When asked if he wanted to go to the hospital, he said he would rather cut off his finger and sear it on a flat top. MAN! That is aggressive! He's pretty down and out and I'm not gonna lie - it was pathetic watching him peel a potato with one good hand. He says something about being kicked in the ass so much that he poops shoes. Another great Fabio-ism for the books if anyone is keeping track.

Tommy C. comes into the kitchen before service and gives a horrible pep talk about how they shouldn't embarass him. The top tier panel of chefs tastes the food -it's apparent that Leah, Stefan, and Josea are on the bottom. Leah's Eggs Benedict were too watery and the hollandaise sauce was too thinned out. Josea made a tasty shrimp dish, but at the end of the day it just wasn't a proper scampi. Stefan is reamed for his over-cooked salmon - at this point I'm nervous for him - not that he's the nicest champ but he is certainly talented.

While the Cheftestants are in the stew room waiting for the judges to deliberate, Leah mentions how she can't imagine if she broke her hand. Then, out of no where, Fabio lays down his signature line with an inappropriate twist "This is Top Chef, Not Top Pussy!" --- can they say that on TV? Since when?

All the Cheftestants are called to the Judges Table and Fabio and Carla are sitting pretty on top. Fabio wins (WEEE~!) even though his salad looks like an airplane salad. I mean, that's what you get for using iceberg lettuce I guess. That said, Fabio is in the final 4.

Carla also receives a thumbs up into the Finale Four - I'm absolutely dying for Eater to write up their recap and have some animated GIF of Carla talking about how shes like the tortoise who wins the race , passing by the hare being like "SEE YA! SEE YA!" So hilarious.

At the end of the day, Leah goes home. No surprise there - she came in as one of my favorites and somehow became boring and apathetic. I'm not sure when that happened. Also, BravoTv.com posted an interview with Josea - him and his GF are no longer together cause things were not the same. Homewrecker!

Next week's previews look great - excited to see Emeril (BAM!) and also not surprised to see in the preview that he thought something needed more heat. More scenes of Josea being insecure... I wonder how this all turns out.. can't wait!

2 comments:

ilse said...

i though leah was a tad lame, so i was ok with her leaving. i don't know why i dislike her - she's too whiny or something.

i was hoping stefan would get kicked off though. he's a tool plus he's like my dog in that he tries to hump everything that moves. he like the creepy guy that hangs out in front of the gas station that you don't want to walk by

Carmen said...

Ha, I can totally see that... but he's a good chef.. I'm really torn on that one..